Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
