I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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