last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
