I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
