My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
