i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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