Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
