I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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