I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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