I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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