Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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