Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
