JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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