I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
