At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
