He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
