Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
