I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
