It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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