Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
