You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
