oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
