His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
