I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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