I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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