Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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