the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
