Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
They have beer where we have blood.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Ladies don't puke and tell
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
