well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
