I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
