dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
only you would photoshop your dick
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
