things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
