I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
