But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
