three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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