8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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