i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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