One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Do vagina's smell?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
