spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
