I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
