I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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