Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He kissed a someone with a penis
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
