haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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