come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
