I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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