I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
