Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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