I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
