I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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