I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
