i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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