we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
