The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
