Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
