Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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